2 weeks. 2 weeks of pain and suffering. 2 weeks until the exams are over. I remember last year, my last two weeks were hell. Maybe I can't feel it yet because I'm still at home and the week has not officially started because today is still sunday. I hope everything will be ok. I hope I will be cleared. I'm still calm right now. Maybe later this evening or later this week. Let's see. I hope for yours and mine's clearance!
Yea. Gaya ng sinasabi ng title ng post na ito, life is so magulo talaga. Life is never simple, never was and never will be. Maraming mga bagay na dapat pagtuunan ng pansin. Sa dinami-dami nila, hindi sila pwedeng pagsabay-sabayin lahat. Anjan pa ang mga problema na super dami at sunud-sunod kung hindi sabay sabay dumating. Buti nalang may mga tao around to support us along the way. Pero paano kung ang mga tao around us ang cause ng problems? well, that makes life even more magulo.
We have to accept that life is hard in this chaotic world. I admit that everything is too complicated for my very simple mind to comprehend. I quit trying to understand everything na nga lang eh. Kasi alam ko kahit anong gawin ko, may mga bagay talaga na hindi na dapat alamin pa.
This past few days, madami akong mga taong nakausap. Madami akong naintindihan. Narealize ko, the whole time pala, I was beleiving in lies. Well not exactly lies pero sige ganito nalang, modified truths. Madami palang people ang victims of prejudice. Nasira ang image nila dahil sa mga misunderstandings, miscommunications at dahil na rin mismo sa ibang tao.
Sa buhay na ito, kailangan magaling tayong makipagcommunicate. Dapat alam natin kung anong sasabihin, papaano sasabihin at kung kailan sasabihin ang mga bagay bagay sa isang tao. Dapat alam din natin kung anong mga bagay ang mas mabuting huwag nalang ipaalam. May mga bagay din na dapat huwag na nating itanong. Dapat, marunong tayong lumugar.
Advance Happy Valentine's Day!!! Do you still remember this?
Well, this happened 1 year less one day ago. Nahanap ko lang ito sa pc habang tinitingnan ko ang 3rd year stuff dito. Hay naku. Buhay nga talaga. Naging sila man(Ela at Enzo) alam natin yang lahat pero nagbreak din sila(alam din natin yang lahat). Wala lang naalala ko lang talaga. Pero hindi pa naman huli ang lahat diba? Pwede pa naman silang magkabalikan. Sana walang magalit sa pagpost ko nito. PEACE! I don't intend to harm anyone. Kailangan ko lang ng mapost.hehe
Valentine's Day na bukas. Pero actually this does not really matter much to me. To most of you siguro oo. hehe
This is it. I give up. I'm tired. So tired that I can't move anymore. My head hurts. My body is exhausted but I still have a lot to do. Problems, problems, they are all around! Why can't I escape them? Why are they here? To mold me? To help me grow? Maybe, maybe not but whatever the reasons for their existence are, I don't care. I just want to get rid of all of them. I don't care whether I grow or not. It does not matter for me whether I become better. I just need to escape from all of the pressures that pisay life is bringing. I've tried to be responsible. In fact, I've tried really hard but still my efforts were not rewarded. I don't want to blame it all to myself. I'm tired of blaming myself.
I feel imprisoned. Held behind bars. Blinded. I have no idea about reality.
They wanted everything to be perfect, but things just don't go that way. To compensate, they made us suffer, pushing us to our extremes.
I regret of ever going to pisay. It did me no good. It even made me into a monster. A self-centered, ill-tempered, ugly monster.
I'm tired. Really really tired.I want to sleep but I can't.
I'd prefer staring at the ceiling of my room than going to school. The mere thought of school makes me sick. It's not that I don't want to learn. In fact, I love learning. It's the pressure that comes with learning in pisay that I can't take. With all of these activities, events, and school stuff piling up, it's really hard to know which one to do first. What's worse is that all of them demands to be done first. So , what do we really do?
We are humans and we get tired. We have limits and right now I am on mine. I can't take this anymore. 48 days to go. I'm tired but I have no choice but to go on if I want to graduate. Of course I don't want my future ruined just because I got tired.
Lately I have been problematic and disturbed. I don't know what's happening to me. At least the problems I am having now are not as immature and as senseless as those I had before. I've realized something though. I realized that my 4th year in high school was a waste. I wasted my energy, my money and my sanity on things that are very temporary. I've invested on nothing but trash. People say I've changed and I don't deny it but I don't know what kind of person I became. I don't know myself anymore. All I know is that that person hates her old self. Everytime I ever think about my past and think of the things I did, anger towards myself grows. What's worse is that people don't understand. Well I know I have to accept that people really do not care. They don't bother to understand that's why they don't understand. Well not all, there are those few who do care and are doing their best to understand and I thank them. All this time, Ive tried to please people and I'm tired. Don't worry. Everything I did was my choice, I chose to please you so you don't have anything to do with it. I hate how people don't run out of things to say. I've tried hard, really hard to please people and avoid criticisms but they just criticized me more. I always find it difficult to function. I have tried convincing myself that how you look, how you act, how you talk, who people think you are does not matter but all I ever got was frustration. I admit I am insecure. How would I ever think of hurting myself if I weren't? I've tried starving myself, cutting my skin, pulling my hair, crying, and a lot of other crazy things you would not want to know. Still, nothing happened. I don't know what I want. I am one confused and lost teenager. I don't know if this is normal but this better stop soon or I might end up broken
What Karla Mae Aliwanag Cruzado Means You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life. You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip. People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them.
You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality.
You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.
You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily. Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.
You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated. You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want. You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!
You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.
You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.
You are very charming... dangerously so. You have the potential to break a lot of hearts. You know how what you want, how to get it, and that you will get it. You have the power to rule the world. Let's hope you're a benevolent dictator!
You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.
You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life. You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone. Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.
You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily. You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind. A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.
You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way. And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life. You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it.
You are incredibly wise and perceptive. You have a lot of life experience. You are a natural peacemaker, and you are especially good at helping others get along. But keeping the peace in your own life is not easy. You see things very differently, and it's hard to get you to budge.
You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row. You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace. People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality.
You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life. You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you. At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.
What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning? http://www.blogthings.com/whatsyournameshiddenmeaningquiz/
There's nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself.
-- Johann Sebastian Bach
About Me
Name: Karla Mae Cruzado
Location: Davao City, Region 11, Philippines
Karla Mae Cruzado is a BS Biology freshman in UP DILIMAN.She is a frustrated musician and is not a very good user of the english language. She is new to blogging and has no idea about it.
